*disclaimer--This post is posted in fun and brilliantly funny. If you are a hater, do not read it. I'm not holding your head to the screen and forcing you to read it--but maybe if I did, you'd learn something new. Maybe I should send Uncle Guido to force you to read my blog posts--hmmmmm, not a bad idea . . . . as the ever popular Ms. K. Leider from Minnesota can atest too, I've resorted to Uncle Guido before and you DON'T want me calling him in . . . . so read the damn post already
1) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.
2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
3) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britney Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.
7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.
9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms, just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.
So, in closing, please stay away from those TALL people and their agenda. SCARY!
18 comments:
so glad i don't live in cali.
i thought all the political adds we see here were overwhelming. but, when we were in cali the adds are even worse because they have about a million props to vote on.
i'm voting early and then hiding in a hole until it's all over!
oh, and uncle guido is my favorite uncle. ;)
lol
'chelle,
Love, love, love, love, love, love you . . . . . you ROCK! Way to be political in the race for Uncle
Hahahahaha! I want to comment about how I enjoyed all of these points, but that would be a ridiculously long comment.
And I'm so happy you mentioned Britney. No post about the sanctity of marriage is complete without Mrs. Ex-K-Fed.
So, Amanda and I have been discussing Prop 8 a lot with each other at work. And we brought up the same points about Britney and all the crazy hetero divorces.
I was wondering when you would do a post about this. :)
Thanks for making me laugh.
Kristina and Amander,
I also love you both--don't know you, but I think you both rock the world! Maybe you'll take me as the "Favorite Uncle" as Rychelle has given my title away . . . .
Love the post, as soon as Britney's infamous "marriage" was mentioned, THAT made me really think, LOL. Spears should not be allowed to marry! Uncle Guido sounds tre scary, LOL!
what happened to the music to Wicked?
I'm very tempted to post this on my own blog and claim that I wrote it... Instead - I will just have to e-mail the link to everyone I know.
I love a point well made through humor.
Would you consider making this a regular feature?
YAHOO! Send the link to ALL! Let's get it out there!
and Lila, for your, I have brought back "Popular" . . . .
oh, and by the way, i can't wait until pet marriages are legal!
tiyn and i are totally getting hitched. he really is the best cuddler!!!
I don't know which one is my favorite. Probably number 7. But I will say that the "in closing.." part is a bit harsh since I am a female who has been over 6 feet tall since she was 12 which was over 18 years ago. Tall women are more common now - but back then some people in Jr. High treated me like I was diseased more than their short busing homophobic mothers. If they could see me now.. Love it, Thank You!
I have no idea why Rychelle would have taken away the "favorite uncle" title from you, but I will gladly bestow you with that title (and just make sure my actual favorite uncle doesn't read this - but he won't, since he can't even find my blog).
Met darling Rychelle in real life yesterday - she's so fun!
yes, she's a hoot! Love the 'chelle . . .
Well done! I love that you gave a snarky voice to an obviously emotional problem. LOVE it. And I try to stay away from tall people, they are like dinosaurs, they eat too much of our food supply and they are on their way out, as minaturization is obviously way more cool. And besides, why be tall when two short people could live in the same space?
And on a more serious note, and with all my heart, my marriage is NOT threatened by people loving each other. I just can't find a place in my heart or mind to feel that my marriage is in any danger by anyone except the two people involved.
Kate emailed the link to me and I'm here. But you're preaching to the choir with me.
And now, in the spirit of point #2, I'm going to go stand next to some thin people.
Love it! I want to steal it.
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